How do I live an Amazing Life? I hear this so often, especially when I’m with my RTT clients. They feel frustrated, stuck, unhappy as they know they are not living the life they want for themselves, and they don’t understand why or what they can do to change.
Yet the reason is really very simple, all our issues stem from one of these three things:
1. We don’t feel good enough
2. We feel different, therefore don’t belong
3. We think it is not available to us
But, I believe it is even simpler than that. It all boils down to JUDGEMENT.
We get so caught up with what we think other people think of us, we judge ourselves and we judge others (that’s just a reflection because we feel judged). We go down the comparison road and that ALWAYS leads to not feeling good enough, because you will always find someone who is better at something than you, has more than you, is prettier, slimmer, cleverer, funnier, more focused, higher achiever, the list can – and does – go on forever.
So as soon as we bring judgement into our thinking, we are playing for a miserable life rather than an amazing life.
Remember that every single baby IS born knowing they are good enough, they belong and that everything they want is available to them. It is only as they grow and start to learn ‘beliefs’ from their experiences and influential people in their lives that this starts to change. This wonderful safe, secure knowledge of unconditional love that surrounds us like a protective love blanket as a newborn slowly starts to develop holes as we let in other people’s/society’s judgement.
Sometimes, depending on our start in life, our love blankets end up so filled with holes they can only be described as rags. If we allow all this judgement in, if we allow it to create holes in our love blanket then we won’t feel safe, we won’t feel cared for, we won’t feel unconditional love and we certainly won’t be living the amazing life we so wanted.
So, if you are one of those walking around in life with a love blanket full of holes, then you will have a tendency to want to fill your life up with material stuff like new clothes, car, house, holiday, shiny objects & gadgets. You will also tend to judge your worth on the goals you achieve, for example, you measure the worth of yourself by the exams you pass, the job you do, the amount you sell, how many books you write, what business you own…….
Your life may even look amazing to those of us looking in, but inside you FEEL very different.
We all pick up these holes along our life journey, so how do we repair those holes?
1. Face your past and move on – Forgiveness
You cannot fight reality, well if you do, you will lose!
What has happened, has happened, and no amount of wishing for it to be different can or will ever change that. This can be a really hard step for people to do, but it is necessary. The second part of forgiveness is letting go – you have to move on or you will forever be stuck and that doesn’t lead to happiness or an amazing life.
2. Create your own Future – Responsibility
Responsibility means the ability to respond, that simply means that you choose how to react to any given situation. Responsibility does not mean blaming yourself for doing something wrong and beating yourself up about it, but accepting that something didn’t work out, learning from it and choosing to do something differently next time.
You always have choice and with that comes the power to create your future. The future that you want, not what is dictated to you, but a future that is aligned with your values, your beliefs, your passions and purpose.
3. Be Present – Adaptation, your life will change shape
Learning to live in the present will change your life in the most amazing ways, so spend time exploring meditation and mindfulness, but bring it into your daily life.
Listen – really listen when your child/partner/friend talks to you, don’t just pause waiting to jump in,
Open your eyes and look up, not down, and notice what is all around you,
Feel – tune in to your emotions, stop suppressing them (we are supposed to FEEL) and allow them to guide you more.
Be present, you will love it and so will those around you as you have shown them how valuable they are and in doing so will have repaired a little hole in their Love Blanket 🙂
P.S. repairing a little hole in someone’s love blanket will repair a little hole in your own – try it and notice how you FEEL.