A lot of us live the majority of our lives not feeling truly happy, but instead in a state of constant worry and stress (suffering). Often we have no idea why we are so unhappy, we end up thinking that we must be downright miserable and ungrateful and we then feel guilty as most of us have an awful lot to be grateful about.
So, what is the problem, why are we feeling this way?
The answer lies in our brains. Our brains have what is called a negativity bias, basically we have evolved to pay great attention to unpleasant experiences. If we look back in time, this makes perfect sense: we needed to be looking out for dangers, protecting ourselves as we were both predators and prey. It was absolutely necessary for our survival.
This negativity bias has stayed with us; it operates from the oldest part of our brain and it is still really useful for our survival. You probably know it as our flight, fight or freeze response, and there may be times in our lives when we rely on this and it gets us out of, or stops us getting into, dangerous situations, so it is very important.
It has a dramatic effect on our bodies when it’s stimulated: cortisol and adrenaline flood our bodies, heart rate quickens, mouth dries, blood and oxygen are directed away from digestion and towards muscles so they can react – all really good to get us out of imminent danger.
Not so great when we are not really in danger (threat) but in anxiety instead……anyway, that’s another newsletter.
So, we now know that our brains have a negativity bias, meaning that we remember negative events/experiences/
Think of it this way, negativity is like Velcro, it sticks in the brain, positivity is like Teflon, it slips right out of our brain.
Mmmm, now we can see why we find it so hard to be truly happy.
However, it’s worse than this, our memories are either explicit or implicit. Explicit memories are our conscious recollections of events and information. Implicit memories are in our subconscious, therefore although we may not be aware of them, they shape our minds, our thoughts, our emotions – the atmosphere in your mind, if you like.
Due to the negative bias that happens, even when some of our experiences are positive, our implicit memories tilt them towards the negative!
This can create a general anxiety in most people and in some it can really be quite extreme. We worry about things that have happened in the past, going over and over the same event, we worry about things in the future, that haven’t even happened, we create scenarios in our minds about what someone might say/do/think……..and the more we do this, the more we wire negativity in our brains!
Phew! Maybe now we can see how hard it is for us to be truly happy – if we don’t consciously try and change the way we think, then we will default into our negativity bias.
That’s why I have worked (and continue to work) on my Mindset every single day. I feel so strongly that life should be fun, pleasant, happy, joyful, whatever you would like to call it……….look down at your hands……that is YOUR life, so make it the most happy it can be 